Caring for a Parent From Far Away

Many parents in Rancho Bernardo, Poway, and nearby communities have children who live in another city, another state, or another country. Caring for a parent from far away brings its own kind of worry. You cannot stop by after work, and small changes are easy to miss on a phone call.

The good news is that a little planning makes long-distance caregiving much easier. Here are the steps that help families the most.

1. Notice the Small Signs on Calls and Visits

On the phone, everything can sound fine. Pay attention to the details:

• Does your parent repeat the same stories or questions?
• Have they stopped mentioning friends, clubs, or church?
• Do they sound tired, confused, or unusually quiet?

When you visit in person, look around the home. Spoiled food, unpaid bills, unopened mail, missed medications, new dents on the car, or weight loss can all be signs that more help is needed.

2. Build a Local Team

You cannot do everything from far away, so build a small team of people nearby. This might include a trusted neighbor, a friend from church, your parent’s doctor, and a home care agency. Make sure each person has your phone number, and that you have theirs.

A neighbor who notices the newspaper has not been picked up can be the first to know that something is wrong.

3. Gather Important Information in One Place

Before an emergency happens, collect the information you would need. Keep a copy for yourself and one in a safe place in your parent’s home:

• Names and phone numbers of doctors and the pharmacy
• A current list of medications
• Insurance cards and Medicare information
• Contacts for neighbors and close friends
• Where important papers are kept

It is also wise to talk with your parent, and a lawyer if needed, about documents such as a power of attorney and an advance health care directive, so someone can act for them if they cannot.

4. Plan Your Visits With a Purpose

Visits are short, so plan them. Go to a doctor’s appointment together if your parent agrees. Check the home for safety risks such as loose rugs, poor lighting, or a slippery bathtub. Spend time doing ordinary things together, too. Your visit is also a chance to see how your parent is really doing.

5. Agree on How You Will Stay Informed

Regular contact reduces worry. Set a simple routine, such as a call on the same days each week. If your parent has help at home, agree with the care provider on how and when you will receive updates, and who should be called first if something changes.

6. Consider Help at Home Before There Is a Crisis

Many long-distance families start with a few hours of non-medical home care a week. A caregiver can help with meals, light housework, errands, and personal care, and can offer companionship so your parent is not alone for long stretches. Just as important, someone is seeing your parent in person on a regular schedule.

Starting small, before an emergency, gives your parent time to get comfortable with their caregiver.

7. Take Care of Yourself

Long-distance caregivers often feel guilty that they are not doing enough. You are doing more than you think. Share the load with brothers and sisters where you can, and accept help from your parent’s local team.

We Can Be Your Team in San Diego

Better Choice Care provides non-medical home care across San Diego County. Our office is in Rancho Bernardo, and your Care Coordinator becomes your single point of contact. During the free consultation, we agree with your family on how you would like to hear from us. Call (858) 422-4242 to talk with us.

Related reading: How to talk to your parent about home care · Free home safety check · Home care FAQ